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Stasis


There are times when I resist
letting you go,
in spite of harrowing moments,
long nights lying awake,
wondering,
worrying,
guessing and second-guessing
your motives
and my own,
which I worry are transparent
as cellophane,
obvious as the fear I saw
in your eyes
when I told you that I knew.

But in spite of all the broken oaths,
our desperate search for traction,
grubbing around
in the muck,
as if there were something
to hold onto,
I still hold out hope,
though it be thin as wire,
and my heart bleeds
like rare meat
behind my borrowed smile.

And so we march on,
endlessly engaged
in this pattern 
that looks like dance
but is really a war
that will not lead
to either victory or defeat,
but only stalemate.

For the marrow of the matter
(what we both know to be true)
is that there are times 
(too many times)
when I resist
letting you in.

This is a Sunday Scribblings and Sunday Whirl post.

8 comments:

gsb said...

It is always hard to let go of something or someone we have allowd inside our hearts..."Grubbing around in the muck..." says a lot to me.

April 28, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Stan Ski said...

Holding on, letting go... both can be difficult decisions.

April 28, 2013 at 12:50 PM
jaerose said...

The parentheses are the story..the real story perhaps..and the heart like raw meat..dripping blood like tears..how to move on..away..forward..apart..all so very hard..

April 28, 2013 at 12:55 PM
Robyn Greenhouse said...

Not letting someone in can be a long and tiring dance. You captured this feeling well in your words.

April 28, 2013 at 5:18 PM
Belva Rae Staples said...

I especially lke this:

I still hold out hope,

though it be thin as wire,

and my heart bleeds

like rare meat

behind my borrowed smile.

April 28, 2013 at 8:10 PM
oldegg said...

The resistance you displayed in your words was palpable. I loved the hint of suggestiveness too.

April 28, 2013 at 11:06 PM
Alice Audrey said...

It's hard to let anyone in once you've been burned, even someone you really want to trust.

April 30, 2013 at 4:31 PM
veronica said...

Yes, this says a lot. I like the bit about it looking like a dance when in fact it is a war....

May 2, 2013 at 2:55 PM